Image by Luc Galoppin on Flickr

 

My (R)evolution, part 7.

There was a time, that in the eyes of most people I was “living the dream”. I always contested that, saying I was just living my life—making a living, dealing with problems—like any other person. The only difference being, that I was doing that on a beautiful little Caribbean island.

I’m not much of an achiever, so I’ve never bothered to “tick off” things from my bucket list. I’ve never had a bucket list to begin with (Living the dream, check. Opening my own yoga studio, check. Starting a blog, check).

Nor have I ever checked my life against Maslow’s pyramid, to see how well I was doing in terms of personal fulfilment and self-realisation.

But the other day that pyramid popped into my viewfinder, and I started thinking about it.

Maslow’s pyramid looks at the different levels of fulfilment in a human life. At the bottom it is about the very basic needs, that have to be fulfilled first before we can start thinking (and worrying) about the next level, and so on. The theory is, that ultimate fulfilment (the top) leads to real happiness.

I have been very happy in the past 13 years that I have been calling this little Nicaraguan island my home. 

Living your dream isn't brave.

For the last 10 years, I have been living my dream, by myself, in a strange land far from everything that is (or was) familiar.

People see that and they think they would never be able to do it themselves, so they tell me I’m brave.

But I don’t really deserve a medal. Living your dream isn’t brave.

To me, brave people are those who risk their own lives or freedom for the sake of others. The people who overcome tremendous difficulty in life and can still find a smile in their hearts. The people who suffer deeply, but don’t give up hope.

Those are the brave ones, and I’m not of their calibre.

All I have done is get sacked from a job, pack a bag, and take off travelling, leaving the demands of modern society behind for some adventure and freedom. How brave is that?

So no, living your dream isn’t brave. I’m not brave. It’s that I have been able to let go of most of my fears.

Many of us are full of fears of all shapes and sizes: fear of losing our jobs, partners, money, or health; fear of losing face, of rejection, of abandonment; fear of gaining weight, not being pretty or good enough.

We fear failure in every way.

But when the fears subside, life begins. Continue reading “Living Your Dream isn’t Brave.”

Meditation in Process

 

My mandala painting has become my meditation in process.

Every time I am working on it, a thought comes up that leads to a new little insight.

The last few days I had been looking at my mandala, not feeling very excited about it. There was something about the colours, that made me a little uncomfortable.

I first should share here that I am a person that does not mind change, but I really like balance and symmetry.

I’ve never liked a-symmetrical tops, or hairdos. One-sleeve tattoos are tough for me too. It doesn’t have to be two identical tattoos, but please, both arms, or none. I always start to feel top-heavy or lopsided myself, when I see someone heavily tattooed on just one side of their body.

I know, I should mind my own business.

Well, this mandala is my business. Mandalas are great for me, they are symmetrical in all directions! Peace for my mind, when it comes to the shapes. But then I also have s strong sense for colour, and my need for balance comes back in the way I get uneasy when colour distribution is out of balance.

One single colour, or all hues of the same colour, that’s fine.

But when more colours are used, for me the balance only comes when the whole colour spectrum is represented somehow.

The three base-colours are red, yellow and blue. So if there is red and blue, I have the urge to add some yellow to create the balance. This could also be a yellow mixed into the red or the blue, coming out as an orange or green, but there has to be a form of yellow.

So the last few days, I felt that the colours of the mandala were out of balance. Too much green and blue, compare to the reds, I now realise. I felt uncomfortable with the whole mandala. It didn’t feel balanced.

Today I was putting in a new colour. And all of a sudden the mandala felt right again. There was a balance in colours, and in light and dark as well. And in big and small-sized shapes. Thick and thin contours. Phew, I felt much better.

Of course, when I will be adding another colour, and new shapes, the whole thing might feel out of balance again for a while, until another colour or two will bring back the equilibrium.

It’s a process.

And there was my lesson of today: it’s a process. And in a process, there are highs and lows, there are moments things seem all to be in harmony and balance, and other moments when things are in upheaval, out of balance, uncomfortable. Or, things are great in one area (shapes) but not in another (colours). In other words, it can never be perfect all over and all the time. It’s a constant shifting, but with persistence and patience it does get better bit by bit.

Hmmmm, this sounds suspiciously similar to life, doesn’t it? It’s a constant meditation in process.